Anger

Do not be eager in your heart to be angry,

for anger resides in the bosom of fools.

Ecclesiastes 7:9

“Honey,  I’m home.”  Alan said with a quiet chuckle. 

“Did you bring the milk?”  Sally did not see the humor.  She expected him to forget the milk and her words conveyed her disgust.  She was sure that he wasn’t really listening to her when she called and asked him to stop by the store on the way home.

“No, I’m sorry.  I forgot.”

“How am I supposed to finish dinner without the milk?  We are out of paper towels too.”

Alan sighed.  “I’ll be right back.”  He slammed the door and started the engine.  He was pleased that the tires squealed as he pulled out of the driveway.  “I hope she heard that.” 

When he came in the second time, Alan was not as jovial.  He was mad.  Sally had been demanding and rude.  She should have at least greeted him before telling him to go to the store?  Other men were greeted with a kiss when they came home.  After all, He was working to provide for her so she could stay at home with the kids.  During his twenty minute shopping trip, Alan kept replaying how Sally continually treated him like this.  His anger was just growing.  It was not a pleasant dinner.  Alan was short with Sally and the kids.  He just wanted to get away before he blew up.

Years ago, I asked my two sons, “Why do you get mad?”  Without hesitation, they replied, “Because I don’t get what I want.”  Theirs was a simple, honest, and deeply profound assessment of their hearts.  Doesn’t it sound just awful?  I want, with all of my heart, to be able to say that I get angry with sin and my anger is righteous.  Surely, with all of the years of disciplining myself to godliness, my anger stems from something more substantial than not getting what I want.  Or does it?

Is my anger wrong?

I want to lead us through a careful examination of the Bible on the topic of anger.  We frequently assume that our understanding on a topic is consistent with God’s until we look more closely at Scripture.  Let’s begin with a short statement from Jesus’ brother, James.  In James 1:20, we read, “for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.”  James indicates, in no uncertain terms, that man’s anger does not advance God’s desire.  If it does not accomplish God’s righteousness, how can it ever be justified?  Matthew Henry says, about this verse, “Wrath is a human thing, and the wrath of man stands opposed to the righteousness of God.”

James refers to the anger of man.  Is it possible that my anger rises from the work of God in my heart and is therefore justified?  It usually feels like it is righteous.  Consider Galatians 5:16-23:

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law. Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you just as I have forewarned you that those who practice such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

In this passage, Paul lists the fruit of the flesh and the fruit of the Spirit.  He points out the mutually exclusive character of each force in our lives by saying that “the flesh sets its desires against the Spirit.”  In the deeds of the flesh Paul lists outbursts of anger.  Anger is not a work of God’s Spirit in our lives.  Instead, anger sets its desire against that of God’s Spirit.

Consider these two parallel passages.

Ephesians 4:31, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.”

Colossians 3:8, “But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth.”

In these two passages, we are instructed to put aside all anger and wrath.  It is of great importance to note that Paul, under the inspiration of the Spirit of God, tells us to set aside all wrath and anger.  He could have left out the word “all” and simply said “put aside anger and wrath.”  Had he chosen to do so, we might properly conclude that anger in general is bad but on occasion it is acceptable.  When the Spirit led Paul to write “all” anger and wrath, He removed that option.  God has told us to remove all anger and wrath from our lives. 

Ephesians 4:26 says, “Be angry and yet do not sin…”  It seems, at first glance, that Paul is commanding us to be angry at times.  A.T. Robertson rightly notes that this is a “permissive imperative, not a command to be angry.”  This is why the translators of the NIV chose to word this verse, “In your anger do not sin.” 

This interpretation makes the most sense when we consider the context.  If the verse is indeed commanding us to be angry, it seems to violate Paul’s words five verses later, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.”  Why would Paul command anger, only to tell us to remove it?  That does not seem consistent with the flow of the passage.

So what does Paul mean?  Look at the context again.  Paul says “Be angry and yet do not sin.  Do not let the sun go down on your anger.”  Regardless of our interpretation about the rightness of anger, we must concede that the end of verse 26 commands us to remove the anger in our lives before the end of the day.  In the very verse that we find a possible command to anger, we find God telling us to set it aside quickly.  Verse 27 tells us why we need to get rid of anger quickly, “and do not give the devil an opportunity.”  Holding on to the anger allows the devil to move in our hearts and reap destruction.  Why would God command us to be angry, when anger provides the devil an opportunity in our lives?  It is as if God commanded Adam and Eve to spend the day meditating on the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.  They should smell it, touch its fruit, but they should not actually eat it.  Would the God we ask to “lead us not into temptation” actually command us to flirt with sin?  I do not think so.  James 1:13 tells us, “Let no one say when he is tempted, ‘I am being tempted by God’; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone.”

As Paul continues his thoughts in Ephesians 4, I think we find the solution to the dilemma.  In verse 28 Paul addresses “him who steals,” and tells him to stop and find something useful to do.  In verse 29 He tells us to not speak unwholesomely, but with grace.  In the two verses that follow our text, Paul gives a pattern.  He tells us to set aside a particular sin by choosing a good deed instead.  I am convinced that Paul started that pattern in verse 26.  He addresses three sins: anger, stealing and harmful words.  In each, he mentions its presence in our lives and gives us clear instruction to remove it.  To strengthen this instruction, he continues in verse 30 to exhort us to not grieve the Spirit of God.  In verses 31-32, Paul expands the idea by telling us to put aside a whole list of objectionable actions and replace them with the good of kindness, tenderheartedness and forgiveness.  By looking at the whole section, I think we can understand that Paul does not encourage anger.  On the contrary, he gives us a strategy to remove its destructive power from our lives.

One more New Testament passage deserves our attention, Matthew 5:21-22:

You have heard that the ancients were told, 'You shall not commit murder' and 'Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.'  "But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever shall say to his brother, 'Raca,' shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever shall say, 'You fool,' shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.

In this passage, Jesus points out that according to the accepted law of the day, murder leaves a person “liable to the court.”  He reminds His hearers of the culpability of one who murders another.  That culpability is presented as being “liable to the court.” Jesus then states that one who is angry is guilty before the court. In the Greek text, the wording is identical as Jesus describes the culpability.  Both the murderer and the one who is angry is liable to the court.  His point is that anger is a form of murder.  He offers no qualifying circumstances which could make some murder justifiable.  Instead, Jesus gives the pattern followed throughout the New Testament, that our anger is not a godly trait but is instead an expression of the flesh and therefore sinful.

What about the Old Testament?  Let’s look at the books of Psalms and Proverbs to see what the wisdom literature tells us about anger.

The New American Standard Bible uses the words anger and angry fifty-four times in these two books.  “Anger” is used forty-five times while “angry” is used nine times.  In the book of Psalms, which uses the words the most, we find only three times that the words refer to the anger of man.  The rest of the time, anger is an emotion attached to God.  Twice, anger refers to the anger of our enemies, who are assumed to be wicked.  The third usage is found in Psalm 37:8, where David declares that we ought to “cease from anger, and forsake wrath; Do not fret, it leads only to evildoing.” 

The book of Proverbs uses these words fifteen times.  Four times it refers to the anger of authorities.  Twice it speaks of avoiding another person’s anger.  The remaining nine uses speak of the anger of man.  In every occasion, anger is viewed as negative, and being slow to anger as a good thing.  Anger is connected to folly, strife, and punishment.  Controlling our anger requires great understanding.  It pacifies contention and is an expression of strength.  Wise men leave anger behind and do not associate with those given to anger.  The virtue of being slow to anger is extolled throughout the book.  This makes sense because God calls Himself “slow to anger” at least nine different times in the Old Testament.

                A brief study of anger in the Old Testament reveals the same conclusion that we draw from the New Testament.  The anger of man does not accomplish God’s purposes but rather is an expression of folly.  Of course, there are instances in the Bible in which God says that He is angry.  In one instance, Mark 3:5, Jesus is said to be angry.  From this we conclude that there is a possibility of righteous anger.  It is important to note that God is perfect and incapable of sin.  We are not.  What is possible for God may in fact be beyond our ability in our current sinful state.  The profusion of warnings about anger and commands to remove all anger from our lives should cause us to be suspicious of our anger when it rises in our hearts.  In fact, as we will see later, the presence of anger can be a clear indicator of faulty thinking and misplaced faith.  If our first expectation about our anger is that it is wrong, we are more likely to recognize and alter our wrong thinking.

If we are to learn to control our anger, we must begin by accepting God’s perspective that anger is ordinarily inappropriate for the Christian.  Instead we need to understand what role anger plays in our lives.  Anger, like the other negative emotions, is a warning light.  It tells us that we are not thinking and believing truth.  If I accept that anger is wrong, I will more readily stop myself when I feel anger and take the steps to change.

Why do I get angry?

I get angry because I do not get what I want.  Is it as simple as that?  Not completely but it provides a great starting point.  An important insight that my sons provided is that I am responsible for my own anger.  We like to say, “You make me so mad!” or “That is annoying.”  These statements betray our flawed thinking.  We are convinced that certain situations or people are able to evoke anger from us.  We think that some things are inherently angering, that no other response is possible. 

Compare this perspective with 1 Corinthians 10:13:

No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it.

We have already established the Scriptural teaching that anger is sinful.  1 Corinthians 10:13 shows us that there is never a situation in which we must sin.  Therefore, the idea that some things are inherently angering cannot be true.  There must be another choice in the midst of frustrating moments.

Let’s think about a common situation.  Disrespect is a battle cry today.  We hear star athletes screaming for respect.  Everyday, fights and even murders occur because someone was disrespected.  I remember an incident in an NFL game in which a player spat in another player’s face.  The talk on radio the next day was all about how that is the ultimate sign of disrespect.  One athlete explained that if someone spit in his face he would immediately retaliate because of the disrespect.  It was universally agreed that spitting in someone’s face will always elicit an angry response.

I compare this common perspective about anger with Jesus.  If there was ever a time in which an individual was disrespected it was when the Roman guard abused Jesus before the crucifixion.  Jesus, who deserved ultimate respect, was beaten, mocked and spat upon.  And all of this just hours after He was betrayed with a kiss and abandoned by men in whom He had invested three years of His life.  If ever a situation demanded an angry response it was this one.  And yet we see no hint of anger in any of the records of the event.  Instead, we hear Jesus pray for those who abused Him.  “Father, forgive them.  They do not know what they are doing.”

                When I see Jesus absorb such disrespect and respond to it with total forgiveness, I am in awe of true power.  I want to taste that power in my life.  Ephesians 3:20 tells me I can.  “Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works within us.”  I have that power.  I want to access it to overcome my anger.

I get angry first because I forget that I do not have to get angry.  I willingly relinquish control of my life to those who oppose me or to the situations that I face.  The second factor in my anger is a failure to get what I want.  To say it a little more precisely, my anger stems from the belief that someone or something prevents me from getting what I believe I need. 

We each have an uncanny ability to elevate our wants to the level of needs.  We say things like, “I need my coffee in the morning,” or, “I need at least eight hours of sleep each night.”  We easily discount these statements as harmless exaggerations and yet I am becoming more convinced that they are actually accurate expressions of our heart.  The move from “I need coffee” to “I need my wife to respect me” is far too easy to make.   The problem is that both statements are false.

What do I need?

“But God” may be the most important phrase in the world.  These two words remind us that God is all that we need.  This phrase is used forty-one times in the NASB.  Consider a few of the uses.

Noah is on a boat with his family and a bunch of animals.  God has just blotted out all life from face of the earth with a flood and it has been raining for 150 days.  Genesis 8:1 then says, “But God remembered Noah…”  But God changed everything.

Joseph is reunited with his brothers, who threw him into a pit and sold him into slavery.  The brothers are terrified of Joseph because their father has just died.  They stand before Joseph, afraid that he will now bring retribution to them, and we read Joseph’s words from Genesis 50:20, “you meant it for evil but God meant it for good.”

In 1 Samuel 23:14, we read that Saul is hunting for David every day, “but God did not deliver him into his hand.”

                In Mark 2:7, the Pharisees seek to condemn Jesus for forgiving a lame man.  They say, “Who can forgive sins but God alone.” 

Paul tells us that we were all dead in our sins, without hope, and then in Ephesians 2:4 he says, “But God being rich in mercy…”

The words “but God” indicate that all I need is God.  We frequently talk about needing air and food and water.  What happens if we lack these?  We will die.  Is that the end?  No!  We know that if we die, and have a right relationship with God, we enter into bliss.  In addition to this we must remember that God is capable of sustaining your life even without air, food or water.  This is what Paul meant when He said in Romans 8:31, “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?” All you need is God.  And He has given you all that you need.  If we are to ever remove anger from our lives, we must fill our minds with this truth and order our lives consistent with it.  I do not need coffee, respect from my wife or financial security.

                Try this exercise to begin to discipline your mind with this truth.  Each day for the next week, keep a journal of each time that you get angry.  Take time to meditate on this anger and write down the events that led to your anger.  Ask yourself what you really wanted in this situation.  Now write a sentence that explains your frustration and then insert the words, “but God…”  For instance, “Yesterday we got a notice of a bounced check.  My wife accused me of mismanaging our finances.  I really want her to respect me, but God knows I made a mistake and he forgives me.  He also gives me the ability to do a better job.”  This exercise can help you put this truth into practice.

                This brief study of the topic of anger from the Bible has given us a useful tool to battle our anger.  First, it is apparent that anger is not the innocuous emotion we thought it was.  Instead, it is a tool for Satan to bring harm into our lives.  Second, we see that we control our emotions.  We do not have to get angry.  We can choose, like Jesus, to respond in love instead.  This response is only possible if we remember that God is all that we need.  Therefore, I can and must place my faith in His love for me. 

 After Alan put the milk into the fridge, he slammed the door.  As he did, a drawing that Debbie had made in Sunday school fell to the floor.  Alan looked at it before he replaced it on the refrigerator door.  It had a rainbow, a cross and the words, “God loves me” written on it.  The simple message touched Alan’s angry heart.  He had snapped at Debbie during dinner.  He had not shown her God’s love tonight.  Then he thought about why he was so mad.  “Out of the mouths of babes…” he thought.  Alan stopped and prayed quietly, “Father, thanks for all of the ways you show me your love.  Thanks for my beautiful daughter.  Thanks for Sally.  She really is great.  Will you help me to love her for You.  Amen!”  With those words, Alan felt a new resolve to reach out to his wife and show her how much Jesus cares about her.