My Memories of Carroll Lee Carlson

                During the fall of 1982, Robin challenged me to read the Bible because “It is the Word of God.”  Convinced that I could learn something from this ancient book, I started to plow through.  At the same time, Carroll invited me to attend church with him.  Every Sunday, I would drive to his house, hop in his car and head out to Village Seven Presbyterian.  Carroll was not a member but he loved the way Bernie Kuiper preached.  I remember one time Pastor Kuiper invited us to turn to Paul’s letter to the church in Ephesus.  I had no idea what he was talking about.  Carroll quietly whispered, “Ephesians.”  For people who grew up in the church this may seem like a small thing but to me this was a lifeline.  More importantly, this showed me that Carroll wanted to help me, not judge me.  I was a poor kid from an alcoholic home who believed in reincarnation but Carroll accepted me.  In December of 1982, I became a Christian having learned from Carroll and Robin that Jesus died for my sins.

                1983-1984 were extraordinarily hard for Carroll.  Robin was in college and Darren and Bart were living on their own.  In December, Gayle left him alone in a big house with a cat he did not really like—at first.  He would ask God, “What do I do now, Lord.”  He did what a believer must do.  He read his Bible—mostly Job—and prayed.  Carroll meditated on Job trying to learn how Job still trusted God.  It was during these dark times that Carroll found the joy of God’s nearness.  Though alone from human perspective, Carroll knew that God was with him.  He became convinced and would often tell us, “God is faithful and He can be trusted.”

                In Carroll, I saw a Christian man.  I had never known one before.  He was not perfect—one time, in frustration, he declared that clothes hangers were an invention of the devil—but he was honest.  He was honest about his failures, honest about his love for God and his family, and most of all, honest about his faith—even when it faltered.  Carroll taught me to be a Christian, not just in creedal affirmation but in all of my life no matter what circumstances I face.  He taught me to me a man, one who takes responsibility for himself and for others.  Finally, Carroll taught me to be a father.  His was the only positive example of a father that I had.  I saw in Carroll a love for his children even when they made decision he did not like.  He showed me the importance of caution, maintaining the home, and of forgiveness.

                Gayle often told me how much she respected Carroll.  “He was a good provider.” she would say.  At one point, Gayle and her new husband needed somewhere to live in Colorado Springs.  Carroll opened his home to them and moved out with his father.  For over a year, Carroll paid for his ex-wife and her new husband to stay in his house.  I asked him why he did that.  He said, “I want them to know that God loves them.”  Simple, and honest. 

                Carroll met and married Shirley in a few short weeks.  Carroll had cautioned Robin and me to go slow in our relationship.  Shortly after they were married he told me, with a childishly guilty grin, “I guess I didn’t follow my own advice.”  We spoke of his relationship with Shirley often.  His marriage was not all that he would have wanted.  It kept him from his family and some of his friends.  It prevented him from attending Gayle’s funeral.  I asked him why they had married.  He said, “She needed me.”  His answer was profound on many levels but most of all I see that he chose to provide for someone in need, just as a man should.

                Carroll loved his family with a constancy that reflected his faith.  After Shirley blew up at Robin, Carroll called her.  He never called—he did not use cell phones and long distance was expensive—but this day he did.  He felt awful and wanted to tell Robin he loved her.  Over the years, we would laugh at how he expressed his love.  Robin would always tell him, “I love you, Dad.”  To which he would reply with a grin, “That’s nice of you.”  Eventually, he would respond, “I love you too.”  This call meant the world to Robin.  It said that Carroll did not know what to do, but he loved his family deeply.  He just had to tell them.

                How do you summarize an entire life?  Dates, jobs, family members are all a part of it but they lack something.  I believe that Carroll gave us the best summary with his most common advice, “God is faithful and He can be trusted.”  I hope that I can pass this on to my family as well as Carroll did.